When you're a widow, you instantly get the widow "cooties" - I was warned about this by other widows. I did not coin this term, it is a well known phenomena. The cause is still unknown - is it because you scare them because you are a living breathing example that it could happen to them? Or, maybe it is because people genuinely do not want to say the wrong thing and have utterly no idea what "the right thing" is to say. Hell, it happened to me, and I don't even know what the right thing is to say to me.
In an attempt to ward the widow cooties, that have been covering me more and more anyway, I have been repeatedly telling people there isn't a wrong thing to say to me, but just please, for the love god, keep talking to me. Don't abandon me please. And I really thought there wasn't a wrong thing to say. Until I got this email. I quote, verbatim the first sentence, and I am not making this up.
"HI Mad Widow, I just got back from a funeral which made me think of you. How are you?"
I hereby stand corrected.
Do not tell a widow that funerals remind you of her. Now, I know for an absolute fact that this person, who is kind and warm and compassionate, did not intend to hurt me with those words. But holy balls, that stung to read. So, while I still do not know what "the right thing" is to say to a widow, I can unequivocally say that "funerals remind me of you" is on the official "DO NOT FUCKING SAY THIS TO ANY WIDOW ANYWHERE EVER" list.
And I sincerely hope the person who sent me that email (which continued on with many nice other things) will never, ever, ever, ever see this post because she was doing exactly what I asked people to do: reach out to me. I know her, and I know for a fact that she had pure intentions. But hey, this is my blog and I'm telling it like it is. And that's how it was. It really, really fucking SUCKED.