Ummmm, No, Because He Is DEAD?

Very bizarre encounter just now with Verizon Wireless. 

Scenario - I was trying to cancel Chad's phone line (at no fee) because he, like, you know, DIED. 

Me: (explains dead husband, I, as requested, upload photos of death cert, link to his obit and our marriage license, my and his drivers license - his is just ID not a DRIVER'S license obviously which was fun to explain ugh)

Me: Ok now that you have all of that can you PLEASE cancel my husband’s cell phone line with no penalty? 

Rep: Before we discuss that, I have GREAT news for you. This phone line is eligible for an upgrade! Would you be interested in hearing about our deals today!?

Me: (stunned silence, then) Uhhhhh no - you DO remember why I’m canceling this line right? 

Rep: (ignoring what I just said) Well before I actually make that cancellation official, is there ANYTHING AT ALL that I can do to convince you to keep this line since you are such a loyal long term customer, we would hate to lose your business for this line if is a matter of finances, for example. 

Me: Well, yes! there IS something you could do! 

Rep: Great! What would that be ma'am? 

Me: (snark dripping) YOU could become JESUS, perform a miracle where you uncremate my husband’s body, bring my husband back to life from his DEATH, unfile his death certificate with the state, inform social security he’s actually still alive, reinstate his benefits, oh! AND I almost forgot, be sure to tell our son, he will be so happy..

Rep: (very very long silence then .....) 

Rep: Thank you, your line has been cancelled. 

Me: Thank you 

Rep: Would you say I provided you with 100% excellent service today? 

Me: You’re KIDDING me, right? 

So, people.  THIS is what you get to do when your husband kicks the bucket.  Welcome to my world.