Things I Can't Do Yet

  1. Stop counting the time since he died down to the hour (2 months, 7 days, 8 hours and 51 minutes as I type this and I can calculate it lightning fast)
  2. Drive somewhere and remember where I'm going, I have to use my GPS to go anywhere more than a few miles from my house.  Up until about two weeks ago, I even used my GPS to go to the grocery store 3 miles from my house that I have gone to for 15 years.  
  3. Work.  I am out of work presently on disability leave.  I can't work.  Not I don't want to work.  I can't.  I tried.  Really, really, really hard, I tried.  
  4. Read a book.  I have been reading a book written by a friend for 8 weeks.  I am on page 34.  Normally I devour a 500 page novel in a few days easily.  I was so grateful when e-readers came out because traveling because I would finish giant books easily one way to Europe so my suitcase was always filled with giant books, the longer the better. 
  5. Watch TV.  I'm stumped on that one.  I guess it is because shows we watched together before remind me of him.  But I can't watch new shows either.  I just can't concentrate. 
  6. Speaking of which, I can't concentrate.  I guess that's the catch all for all of the above eh? 
  7. Feel happy without feeling horribly guilty.  Self explanatory. 
  8. Go to the grocery store without crying.  Why?  Because I don't have to buy pimento cheese, that really crappy white bread he likes, Doritos, chocolate milk and really bad for you Little Debbie snack cakes.  But at least I can go now.  The first time I went, I abandoned my half full cart right in the middle of the store and fled to my car, sobbing.  That was fun.  The next time, I wore sunglasses and brought A LOT of Kleenex.  Not kidding. 
  9. Stop listening to playlists of his favorite tunes from his funeral-party.  I don't even like his music for the most part.  Yet, it is 90% of what I listen to, all day, every day 
  10. And the number 1, or I guess, number 10 thing?  Stop thinking about him, all the damn time. 

Man, grief sucks.