I Can't Wear My Wedding Rings

To my shock, within weeks of his death, wearing my wedding rings made me profoundly sad.  Each time I looked at them, I saw the beautiful ring that he had picked out for me carefully, surprised with me, and I had worn for well more than a decade.  It was an unusual ring for a wedding set - it was a sapphire engagement ring to start and the wedding band was my grandmother's, and both were antiques.  I was constantly fielding compliments on them.  But even looking at them made me beyond sad.  

I had thought, if you had asked me before he died in a theoretical sense of becoming a widow, because it truly never crossed my mind in a real capacity, that I would be one of those widows that would wear her wedding set for the rest of her life.  But if not life, at least a few years.  

But here I sat, mere days after his party-funeral, incredibly sad and wanting to take my rings off.  Yet societal expectations weighed heavily on me.  What if someone who knows me noticed me without my rings and said something?  What if I got hit on by a single guy who thought it was ok to do so because I am unmarried as per my left ring finger?  Both would SUCKKKKKKK.  

Due to basically serendipity, I came up with this compromise.  I bought this beautiful ring .... for myself, that I wear on my left ring finger.    

I have long long long wanted a true "Princess Diana" ring and he always wanted to buy me one.  But for various reasons, we never bought one.  Now, this ring makes me REALLY happy every time I look at it.  He would have picked this out and bought it for me in a millisecond - and I bought it in time to wear on our first anniversary apart, earlier this month.  

Now, my marital status is ambiguous if you ask my left hand.  I like it that way, because that it exactly how I feel too.  And my left hand makes me happy now.  I like it that way.