On Not Falling Into the Abyss

Three nights ago, out of the blue, I missed him.  Really badly.  And I started to cry. 

Internally, I panicked.  I try really hard not to cry because usually it is a sign that I am doing badly.  And I cry typically for hours, like all night until 4 or 5 am if I start at 7 pm, which it was.  And then I will (even more) severely depressed for minimally for a week.  So I try hard not to cry. 

But I had started crying without realizing it.  It was a sneak attack of tears.  

Guess what though?  I cried for about 15 minutes and then I stopped.  

I just stopped. 

Maybe things are getting different.